I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
