The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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