Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
