I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
