Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize