If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
