remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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