went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
