it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
don't judge my taste in strippers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
