the condom got lost in my hair
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
