I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
