Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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