Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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