Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
