none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
