so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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