did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
