Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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