question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
