There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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