you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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