I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
