apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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