This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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