dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
