He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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