i drank out of a bidet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
