then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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