I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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