yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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