The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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