wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize