Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
