billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
