Your tits are I can't wait for
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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