were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
