Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
