drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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