i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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