Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
