there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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