i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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