just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
