just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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