i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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