My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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