You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize