I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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