so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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