porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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