After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
