I'm jealous of your bromance
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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