okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
