this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
