She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
