Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
