so explain again why im purple
no
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
