Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
