I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
