i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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