It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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