just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
