I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
