Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
