College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize