Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
