I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
