dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
