Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize