You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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