I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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