3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
