respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
