I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
