Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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